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Shrewsbury teen 'wanted the world to be a better place' in face of mental illness

Telegram & Gazette - 9/13/2020

SHREWSBURY – Sixteen-year-old Zoe Wolfus was like many teens who are compassionately trying to make a difference in the world as they figure out life.

But little did her parents and friends know that the talented artist and athlete, social justice advocate and straight-A student also had been dealing with excruciating mental pain caused by depression and anxiety for years.

Zoe died by suicide Aug. 27.

"Zoe was someone who had a lot of concern for people around her and she wanted people to be happy and well. She did not like suffering for anybody. She really just wanted the world to be a better place. She was also funny and quirky and loved to make people laugh," Danielle Wolfus said Friday, describing how she wants people to remember her daughter. "She loved to watch YouTube and TV and listen to music. She was very much a normal kid in so many ways. And she was also just so troubled."

Mrs. Wolfus, a veterinary nurse, and her husband, Greg Wolfus, a veterinary professor, work at Tufts at Tech Community Veterinary Clinic at Worcester Technical High School. Their 13-year-old son, Isaac, is an eighth-grader at Oak Middle School.

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S., and the second leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 24, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. It was responsible for more than 48,000 deaths in 2018. Ninety percent of those who died by suicide had a diagnosable mental health condition at the time of their death.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 20% of young people ages 13-18 live with a mental health condition. Half of all lifetime cases of mental illness begin by age 14, and 75% by age 24. Anxiety, depression, ADHD, and behavioral problems are the most commonly diagnosed mental disorders in children ages 3 to 17, according to the CDC. Nearly 75% of children with depression also have anxiety.

Zoe's mental health disorder was revealed three years ago, after her parents discovered from another parent that their daughter had written some alarming things on Instagram. They spoke with her and learned that she had been cutting herself. They took her to the emergency room at Community Health Link, UMass Memorial Health Care, where Zoe was evaluated and the parents were told that their daughter needed help.

Zoe went to counseling, but stopped after two sessions, because she didn't like going. Six months into her medication regiment, she convinced the doctor that she was feeling much better and no longer needed the medicine.

After Zoe's death, her parents read her journal and learned that their daughter had lied to the doctor and that she was still feeling terrible. She had just put on a happy face and tried to hide the mental anguish from the people around her.

"Days after her death, we were also able to access her laptop browser history. It was very clear that she had been suffering for a long time," Mrs. Wolfus said.

The laptop also indicated that Zoe had searched the internet for help for understanding what she was going through. School administrators connected Zoe's parents with the Riverside Trauma Center in Needham, which provided support and help to sort out the tragedy.

Mr. Wolfus said his daughter, who was an excellent student, was probably like a lot of other young people today who are self-pressured to succeed. He also thinks Zoe thought she was a burden because of her mental health condition. The taboo, or shame, associated with mental health, unfortunately, inhibits people from sharing their emotions, which can lead to suicides, he said.

"I wish Zoe had asked us for help," Mr. Wolfus said while weeping during an interview last week. "She wrote in her journal steps she could take to get better. Number one was to tell Mom and talk to her about her feelings and get help. It appears she thought she could power through this, or she didn't want to burden others."

The parents also learned from the Riverside Trauma Center that it's important that young people have an adult other than their parents whom they trust and can confide in. Parents sometimes might overreact, and friends sometimes might underreact.

"Unfortunately, I don't think Zoe had that" adult confidant, the mother said. "We're working hard to have that for our son now."

A review of Zoe's browser history also revealed that isolation during the pandemic may have also been a contributing factor. Experts have found that the stress caused by the pandemic can exacerbate pre-existing mental health disorders.

Hours after learning of Zoe's death, school administrators mobilized the district's crisis team, which provided students with grief counseling. The district also partnered with Shrewsbury Youth and Family Services to provide grief counseling through Zoom for parents.

The following week, Larry Berkowitz, director of Riverside Trauma Center, along with members of the crisis team, held a Zoom webinar, including a question-and-answer session, on how to talk to your teen about the loss of a peer who died by suicide. There were more than 300 participants at the webinar.

Superintendent Joseph Sawyer and Todd Bazydlo, Shrewsbury High School principal, via email on Saturday expressed condolences to the family and those who knew Zoe. They called her a kindhearted, compassionate, thoughtful and a talented artist, and skilled soccer student-athlete.

They asked that anyone in distress to reach out for help through the school or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK [8255]). Anyone experiencing a mental health emergency or fear for their safety or others should call 911 for emergency response.

"We urge anyone in our school community who is seeking non-urgent support to reach out to any of our schools and we will connect them to someone who can help," Sawyer said.

Bazydlo pointed out that the crisis team of counselors and psychologists remains available to any students who are seeking help when they begin the new school year this week.

"We are here to serve as a resource for any members of our school community who need assistance as we grieve the loss of Zoe," he said.

Suicides are often preventable and having a mental health condition does not mean a person is flawed, many experts point out. It cuts across all socioeconomic levels, all races and ethnic groups.

Untreated depression is the leading cause of suicide, said Barry Feldman, an assistant professor of psychiatry at UMass Medical School in Worcester. He said the most effective treatments for individuals with mental health conditions that could lead to suicidal behavior is the combination of medication to help manage the symptoms in conjunction with psychotherapy.

Feldman, a former co-chairman of the Massachusetts Coalition for Suicide Prevention, said suicideneeds to be addressed through prevention, including education and training, which can raise awareness; intervention through proper mental health treatment; and postvention efforts for dealing with the aftermath of suicide, which encompasses providing support services for survivors and others affected by the death. This is important for young people to help eliminate the possibility of suicide contagion, he said.

Feldman said it is critical for parents to try to be involved in their child's life and monitor their activities as best as possible. If parents have reason for concern, they should ask their child if they feel depressed and whether they are thinking of ending their life. Research, he said, refutes the thought that you shouldn't talk about suicide with someone because it might plant a seed.

"The ability to get people to talk about their suicidal thoughts can save lives. By doing so, this can potentially help identify a problem that a person may be experiencing and get them the help they need," Feldman noted. "I'm not saying it's an easy question to ask. However, the ability to ask that question is a really, really important conversation to have."

Mrs. Wolfus said when she and her husband would ask Zoe if she was OK, she would say she was fine and that they were making it worse and push them away.

The couple, with the help of Zoe's friends, have a website to raise money to help others and to advocate suicide prevention. The website also is a celebration of Zoe's life.

During the pandemic, she and her family painted small "kindness rocks" and inscribed them with uplifting messages before leaving them in the forest and different places throughout town. The family's hope was to bring a ray of sunshine to anyone who found them.

When the public library closed because of the pandemic, Zoe, an avid reader, wanted to help. She and her father painted an old stainless steel surgical cabinet, filled it with books and put it in the front yard so people could stop by and pick up books.

It was no surprise to those who knew Zoe when she became socially active during the Black Lives Matter movement. She attended a small BLM gathering in the center of town and then turned to her artistic talents to show support for those she felt have been wronged.

She began painting and dispersing around town social justice rocks, with the Black Lives Matter messages and symbols, including a raised clenched black fist in front of a rainbow.

"If it can help one person, we think it's worth it," Mrs. Wolfus said of the initiative. "Zoe certainly would always want to help others."

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